Monday Morning Quarterback: The ASCMC Speeches

It's ASCMC election time again... which means SPRING BREAK, oh yeah, and election speeches! I always attend speeches. I love a good election, and I like to see the candidates speak for themselves/make inside jokes about bias-related incidents/describe in detail how they're going to distribute more "refreshments" than ever before.

If you weren't at Snack last night to hear them, a lot of the speeches can be boiled down as such:

Chief complaint #1: No one knows where ASCMC money goes.   We need to put this on the online for everyone to see.

Chief complaint #2: Not enough event variety or creativity.  ASCMC doesn't know what students like or need or want.  So I will somehow get in touch with you like no one ever has before.

Refreshing alternative: New ideas, I love CMC, vote for ____.

Wait did I miss something?  Since when has ASCMC been failing us? The speeches addressed concerns that I don't think anyone actually has.  Many of the candidates decided to take the "gone Washington" approach and portray ASCMC as out of touch and corrupt. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt... maybe in the semester I've been abroad ASCMC hasn't been planning any awesome parties and instead has been pimpin' out the board room. But they have and they didn't. In fact, ASCMC does a great job and is not funneling away money to undisclosed locations. And actually, their financial transactions and their board meeting minutes are available online already (though no minutes posted since April... wear it, ASCMC?).

Some may say that I'm not being vigilant. But I think of this from a cost-benefits approach. I want my ASCMC to provide me with a great college experience during the hours that I'm not doing academic-related stuff.  That means generally warming my heart and soul with CMC pride. Apparently, I involuntarily contribute $235 to ASCMC every year.  Spend a few months in the real world or just one weekend in Vegas, and you'll find that parties so excellent will cost you more than $235 in as little as one night. For $235, ASCMC provides me with yearlong entertainment. Let's say I attend 30 events: parties, TV shows, Hub quizzes, etc. That's under $8 an event.   I would definitely have paid  more to see one of my favorite mash-up artists like the Hood Internet  and astronomically more to get into a club in any city. Furthermore, in the time I spend scrutinizing ASCMC's cash flow, I could instead be making money at my posh on-campus job, pitching ideas of my own, or simply enjoying what ASCMC has to offer.

ASCMC officials live in the world they create. It's not like Congress where disproportionately wealthy white guys sit and debate the semantics of a welfare program they will never use. This is college. We're one community. There is no North Quad vote vs. South Quad vote. CMC is pretty homogeneous personality-wise. Involvement in student opinion doesn't get much more active than sending out a survey. If I don't respond to your survey, it's because I don't have any ideas. I challenge you to suggest a vastly-superior method of tapping into our ideas.

How to win my vote? Cut the general negativity. Come up with some legitimate criticisms if you have some, but realize you run the risk of alienating the audience and wasting time. Blow my mind with new and exciting ideas that I cannot possibly wrap my mind around, and do it all in 60 seconds or less. The most successful speeches were the ones that did not try to give us things to worry about and instead filled our minds with visions of sugarplums and possibilities galore.

Editor’s Note: Because the ASCMC Constitution forbids candidates from online campaigning and the authors of comments cannot be exactly identified, we have disallowed commenting on this and all other election-related posts.