Dear A Mitch: So I Like You...

Dear A Mitch,

I have had a crush on a boy since first semester of freshmen year. We texted all summer long and I couldn't wait to get back on campus to finally hang out with him again. Now that we are back, we have been texting even more and hang out about once a week. I finally worked up the courage to tell him I like him and he told me he liked me back. But now I am having SO much trouble taking things to the next level. I understand that he is really busy; he is taking five classes and playing a varsity sport. We hang out during the weekdays but when it comes to the weekend, I cannot get him to hang out with me. I know that he has not lost interest in me, but I think the issue is that he is too shy to make the first move. I have tried relentlessly to move things along for us, but his complacency is keeping us in the "awkward crush" zone. For the love of God, WHAT DO I DO?

XOXO,

Hot & Bothered in NQ

Oh hey girl,

You know boyz is always tryna play hard to get! They reel dumb 'cause they could be getting that booty you know, but shoot girl, you gotta let him know that your booty ain’t gon' be chillin' on a stool for him cause us girls, we get ours. U feel me? No? You should, because even though I’m not as eloquent as the fly ghetto girl I suppress daily, my message is rather similar: sitting around texting platonic messages at 3am Saturday night to a boy you know wants you is about as depressing as the $40,000 Kravis Center mock-up. That’s a year of tuition, or a lifetime membership to a friendship with my alter ego, Obamaniqua. She works full-time, benefits included.

So yeah, I mean, if you think he’s really feeling you then there’s not much to do other than put that anxiety aside and go for it. People are always like, “easy to say A Mitch, harder to do.” Well I say fuck that. Yeah, it’s hard to leave yourself open to getting hurt, especially if you’ve been burned in the past, but damn, you know he likes you! The hardest part is over, all you have to do is make a move.  Not even a sly move, just a move – an old rinky-dink move. “Kiss me now, please.” You’ll be sooo indie-film-young-adult-love-story. 500 Days of Text Messages Until This One Day When I Pulled My Head Out Of My Ass. A film by Michael Chiu.

There’s also the issue of weekend vs. weekday. You hang out during the week, right? It's not like he's avoiding you, opportunities exist, but I’m guessing you don’t feel comfortable taking the leap with your inhibitions intact. Which I think is a problem; it’s not just yours though, I know a lot of people who need a little Captain in them to be bold. Then if something doesn’t go right, well, you were drunk, so it means less. You have that reliable blanket of unaccountability, the one you drink Saturday night and excuse Sunday morning. Let me tell you though, any kind of hookup you have is going to be way better sober. And then you won’t have the conversation with your besties at brunch that sounds similar to, “We hooked up when we were drunk, does that mean we can have sober sleepovers too? Does he like me or my vagina?” Which we already know is the former, the latter, well, I think the latter is why you wrote this question.

Now here’s what you should do: find him alone on a weekday when you are both sober, give him a smooch, and tell this Michael Cera wannabe you are taking him to dinner – off campus, by yourselves, like real people. If he's remotely close to how I imagine him, he'll do anything you say.

Love,

A Mitch