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Dear A Mitch: Bi-Curious Consult

November 4, 2010

Alex Mitchell
Dear A Mitch: Bi-Curious Consult

Dear A Mitch,

I am a girl in a serious but non-exclusive relationship with a girl from back home. I love her and everything’s great there, but I’ve found myself attracted to men recently. Essentially, I would like to have sex with men, but I don’t quite know how to approach it. I feel uncomfortable because I am somewhat inexperienced in that domain and don’t know how to solicit someone for sex without feeling like a slut. I thought it would be easier to do drunk, but those experiences are never very fulfilling for me. I want my potential partner to be someone I trust and can tell about my situation without judgment. I’m not exactly “out” and I don’t really want to go around telling all my guy friends that I usually have sex with girls but would be interested in having sex with them on the side. How do you think a guy would respond to such a request?


Queen of Every Hetero Man’s Dreams,

This is going to be a challenge. How are you going to convince a guy he should have sex with you? Before you wrote this question you must have been thinking, “Damn, A Mitch is sucking up the Forum, let me underhand pitch him a chunky change up even a disabled fetus could knock down.” Which I am thankful for, times are hard in Fawcett. But now I have an unattached, bi-curious lesbian to sleep with. I love this job. Scratch that – I love this ill-paying hobby.

I am sure you already know you can literally have sex with the majority of guys on campus. If not, well, now you know. You are in a class of female anatomy-havers who can generally find sex with males should they so prowl. Yet prowling isn’t your problem. You are not a cougar and this isn’t Napa Valley wine tasting. So how can you find a guy who is trust worthy, non-judgmental, and sexually appealing? Craigslist. Actually, right here.

Wait! Before you resort to the Internet, conceptualize your relationship with the girl from home. It didn’t evolve into love during your high school slumber parties where you sat around eating popcorn and vagina. All the trust and non-judgmental behaviors that make love possible take time to develop. Even if you have no intention of falling head-over-heels for the man you deem freakable, what you are seeking requires a conscious investment in him. Which, if I’m not mistaken, is kind of what you don’t want: another relationship.

Nonetheless, I think it is possible for you to find this guy. If not from the intoxicated debauchery of Thursday Blackout Club (TBC), then maybe with a feller you already feel comfortable with. You might not know everything about a guy, but you know about your own ability to make a character judgment; knowledge probably more valuable than anything a man will ever tell you.

Be careful though, for the sake of your girlfriend. As great as non-exclusive relationships sound, few escape unscathed. If you’re uneasy with the thought of your girl playing a sweaty game of up and down on some chief’s ceremony staff, give a second thought to how she’ll feel when you divulge these doings. Open relationships are easier to conceive than to live out.

When you decide on your guy, sit him down and be straight up: You want unattached sex. Tell him you would rather meet up under the radar. And most importantly, be in a space that allows for immediate return on your newly acquired endowment. I mean sex, not, you know, economically speaking. Just FYI.

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