"Sleigh Bells" Reported to Cause Dangerous Levels of Fun

A new disorder amongst young adults has began sweeping the country, according to a new report published by the American Hipster Institute  (AHI).  The Portland-based think-tank published its 2010 report earlier last week, announcing in a press release that there has been a startling number of cases of Almost-Dancing Syndrome, a neurological condition wherein the individual's hatred of dancing and desire to look cool come in direct contact with music too good to not dance to. According to Dr. Ryan Jefferson, the head of the AHI and owner of an all-organic vegan restaurant/bike shop, the root of the problem can be traced back to a recent musical release by Sleigh Bells, a newcomer to the world of indie music.  "In Sleigh Bells, we really have a perfect storm for this kind of condition," explained Jefferson. "You've got great beats, taken almost straight out of a lot of clubbing music.  But at the same time you have really fuzzed-out guitars.  By the time those sassy female vocals come in, we're seeing a lot of folks already tapping their feet."

The Brooklyn-based duo consists of Derek Miller, formerly of screamo band Poison the Well, and Alexis Krauss, who played in the less-well known RubyBlue in addition to a job as a public school teacher.  Early demo CDs captured the attention of club music superstar M.I.A., who collaborated with Miller to produce a full-length record.  Their debut album, "Treats," gained remarkably positive reviews, including a "Best New Music" award from Pitchfork, a favorable review in Rolling Stone Magazine, and a Metacritic score of 84.  Its catchy sound, readily apparent in tracks like "Crown on the Ground" and "Tell 'Em," has caused word of the band to spread quickly across the country, mostly passing between friends.

"At first I thought it was an unreleased Ratatat remix when my friend Rob played it for me," said Mike Anderson, a Santa Monica, California native and art student.  "But then he told me they were this new underground thing.  I sure hope it stays this way."

Other reports are far more alarming.  At a recent Sleigh Bells concert in Cleveland, Ohio, three people were injured while dancing to the band's high-energy live performance.  In an interview with Billboard.com, Krauss even stated that "we want to create an atmosphere that is just fun and energetic and just encourages mayhem and lots of dancing."  With this type of sentiment coming from the band,

The AHI fears that repeated exposure to Sleigh Bells debut release can trigger outward expression of enjoyment to music, jeopardizing the individual's ability to smugly drink Pabst Blue Ribbon at concerts or other social settings.  In order to prevent this type of condition from occurring to you or to someone you know, it is recommended that the affected person be taken away from any Sleigh Bells recording and instead listen to Neil Young on vinyl while smoking American Spirits.  A quick fixed-gear bike ride is also strongly recommended.