Suite Stereotypes

Eight People. Four rooms. Two toilets. Only one North Quad. Maybe you chose 'em. Maybe you didn't. Either way, you know who they are:

The Peeker

It's 1:30 AM. She's just checking in to see what you're up to. Want to go to In-n-Out? No? Ok.... Breakfast at ten? ... Oh! Hey again. Just seeing who is on the toilet. I'll be in my room.

The DJ

Has surround sound. Loves to throw DPs. Told you last year your Kings of Leon was "emo shit" until she heard it on MTV this week. Thinks it is okay to crank that Soulja Boy at 2am on Wednesday. Oh, and she actually believes she discovered Vampire Weekend.

The Wildcard

Tuesday night you went to the reading room with him. Mild mannered. Might get straight A's. But last Saturday night you found him in the Ath courtyard holding two Scrippsies hostage with a megaphone, no underwear, and a takeout container full of vomit/churros.

The Miracle Student

Is always down for Pub. No regular sleep schedule that you can discern. You've never had a class with him and you're pretty sure he doesn't even own a copy of Microsoft Word.

The Moocher

He'll hit you back, can you just pick up a thirty rack? He is going to the ATM tomorrow anyways. Also, you are worried he might be using your electric shaver...and not on his face.

The Relationship Kid

Maybe she has been dating "The One" since 11th grade. Maybe she has a new "one" every week. You don't even bother sleeping on a friend's couch anymore. Your double is pretty much a triple. Basically, the rule is "as long as you don't wake me up..."

The Stranger

No one is really sure how she ended up in the suite. Maybe she had a good room-draw number. Or maybe, she was your friend's freshman roommate and they never had that awkward conversation. When you tell your friends, "I'm going to dinner with my suite-mates, Sarah, Emily, and Anne," they respond, "Wait, who is Anne?"

The Diva

He moisturizes. You can't pronounce the name of his shampoo. You couldn't even guess the thread count on his towel, let alone his bathrobe. Gets more face-time with the mirror than The Wildcard gets with the toilet.

Lesser Archetypes: The Naked Kid, The Absentee, The Slob, The Neatfreak, The Host, The Rich One, The Cheapskate, The Fighter, The Easy One, The Prude, The Planner, The Puker, The Driver, The Hermit, The Whiner, The Instigator.

Feel free to post your own.