Noon on the Day We Left Each Other

(Part 1)Oh, my Dear

I feel as if I am falling so fast- Hurtling faster than gravity could, should pull… Can you feel it? If I reached out far far far I could just reach your Soft fingertips, ones I have known so well And felt more often and dearly than my own. Do you truly fall so fast?

I cannot touch you.

We parted so many times but, Letting go, we hurtle to Earth Independently, what we call free, not easy: I want to touch you But I do not want to reach out and Grasp only empty air.

(Part 2) I left you. You left me, too. We left each other. Today I walked paced meandered trailed I dragged my heels all the way to your room, You asked me to come get my toothbrush, my coffee cup. When I arrived you offered my letters as well, carefully folded.

Do you know that every word I wrote was aching for you?

I would rather you burn each letter, handwritten and some illustrated and some with poetry and dreams and all with love, love love I would rather they burn and set the world on fire than ever take them back.

(Part 3) Today I closed the door on my heart… I saw your face disappearing by inches behind it, All that was for you and me and us, The tall cup that I left there day after day as an excuse to venture back- I called it yours-mine, And I meant it.

Collecting the last remaining evidence of “us”, I leaned against the doorframe and the world sagged with me, turned sideways As it has every day for some time: You arguing with me and my defense and my accusation and your rebuttal and you, asleep with someone else in your arms, I pretended not to give a damn and I sipped drinks at parties, avoiding you and smiling at other men, but always somehow inconceivably with you every night- you in my arms sometimes but always in my thoughts, my dreams. And the world sagged and turned sideways And when I collapsed into my favorite chair thinking how I could go on, I looked in the cup to pour tea And saw coffee stains and the dregs from last month’s drink that you had never Bothered, never even considered washing away.

It is noon, and I have left you.