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If I wer Pam Gann...

November 17, 2009

by The Forum
If I wer Pam Gann...

At a recent ASCMC meeting, the Board was debating what to spend money on. ASCMC has a mandate to "improve student life," but at a school with the "Happiest Students" that "Runs Like Butter" and has the "Best Quality of Life," it can be hard to find things to improve.  So this brought up an interesting question-- what does our school not have?

Top 20 things I would buy if I were President Gann* and had a boatload of money (in order of importance):

  1. A new athletics/recreation center to replace Ducey.  Easily the most important thing for CMC right now.

  2. A computer science professor (or two).  We only have one now.

  3. A new website

  4. More "networking" trips during breaks like the ITAB (Silicon Valley) and FEI (NYC) trips.  Both were some of the best learning experiences I've had in the past four years.

  5. Renovations and furniture for the Hub

  6. Renovations and furniture for the computer labs (better furniture, more screens, etc... check out the Mudd/Pomona labs and you'll see what we're missing)

  7. Renovations and furniture for the Reading Room (Onto the frivolous purchases...)

  8. Giant plasma screens and speakers all over campus broadcasting the same thing at all times

  9. An elaborate mini-golf course between Boswell and Green

  10. An outdoor pool for non-athletic use (Scripps is too far and has inconvenient hours for men)

  11. A large outdoor hot tub at the Senior Apartments.  (Important: cleaned and sanitized daily, at least.)

  12. A bronze statue of Donald McKenna outside Collins Dining Hall.  Oxidized to look old and grand.

  13. A gold statue of Henry Kravis outside the Kravis Center.  Polished daily to look new and expensive.

  14. Scripps College (just the students, the Motley, and the dining hall.  They can keep the other stuff.)

  15. A lazy river from Kravis Center to Bauer Center.  (Important: shut off and emptied on Thursday and Saturday nights.)

  16. High speed train from Claremont Boulevard to the top of Mt. Baldy

  17. Chairlift (gondola?) from South Quad to North Quad

  18. Pitzer College (KKR leveraged buyout style)

  19. The Mudd Hole

  20. Loanable go-karts (with front-mounted video cameras)

Other changes would include abolishing senior thesis, most GEs, and demolishing McKenna Auditorium and Ducey Gym.

*Henry Kravis, Robert Day, or any other super rich donor would do

Disagree? Did I forget something? Leave it in the comments.

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