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Dear A Mitch: Relation Ships... Yar

April 29, 2009

by Alex Mitchell
Dear A Mitch: Relation Ships... Yar

Dear A Mitch,So I've been hooking up with this girl exclusively for about 2 months now, and most of the time it's been great. I really like spending time with her and the sex is excellent. The thing is, I keep doubting myself on how serious I want to get with her. She's really, really, into me, but she's graduating this year. She keeps telling me she wants to be with me, even next year, but that is NOT what I want at all. I've also been getting some serious vibes from a lot of girls I have had my eyes on for a while, but respect the girl I'm with, and don't want to cheat on her. Should I keep being "exclusive" with this girl, make it something more serious, or break up with her before it gets too heavy and get with other girls? Help me, o wise and mighty A Mitch! PS: Don’t tell anyone I wrote this.

Don Quixote, If you don’t want to be with her after she graduates then that is that. Keeping a relationship alive just because you are afraid to hurt the other person is selfish. You need too be honest with her about what it is that you really want. In truth, being honest with someone when you know it is going to hurt them is harder than reading braille with no fingers. But even though it sucks knowing you are the source of one’s sadness, you can feel good knowing you are letting her move on to someone who wants to be with her completely.

For the time being, stay away from those breezies who are hot on your tail. Just because you plan on breaking things off doesn’t mean your girl thinks that too. You want to be remembered as the man who could have been, not, “That motha fucka who done got his windows smashed cause he was gettin’ down with some chicken heads.” I’m assuming your girl is ghetto fabulous. If this is the case you may get your wig pushed back. Son.

You say you really like this girl and the sex is great? Well shit, that sounds about as bad as finding free clothes in the laundry room. Nike shorts anyone? On the real, if your mind is set about the summer, there is no need to do anything about it now. There are three weeks of school left, you are sitting tight on good company and play, so chill and enjoy this girl to the max. Plus, breaking up around finals will probably have the same effect as Mudd guys do on women.

Sincerely, A Mitch

Dear Mitch, I am an underclassman working at one of the research institutes on campus (a very prestigious and exclusive one). I love my job but I also love the CGU graduate student who works there! I walk past this burly, sexy and smart man everyday and I am starting to think I should confess my feelings for him. I sense that he thinks I'm cute too. We laugh and chat a lot during my shifts and occasionally I feel our eyes meet across the office. The dilemma is that while he is not my boss, he is in a situation of authority and knows the directors of the institute extremely well. Should I still try to seduce this older man? If yes, how should I approach this delicate situation? Yours, A CGU loving CMC-er

Bon Qui Quixote, Can all my gossip girls say, “Oooo, scandalous?” My lady, seduce is a strong word. Nonetheless, a man loves to be seduced… by the right woman that is.

See, guys are always afraid of falling into the “friend” category. Women though, women have this thing that goes something like, “Oh hey, lets hang out as friends until I decide whether I want to play intercourse on your couch or not.” So, assuming you don’t look like Jessica Wildenstein, you have this power too. What I am saying is, you can casually see if he wants to get lunch, or come have a drink with you and some friends on the weekend. These are “friend” invites, but any guy that doesn’t completely struggle with women should pick up that you like him, at least enough to want to spend more time with him. If he says sure, you are in the door. Now we drop hints, which I’m not even going to attempt to tell you how to do, because, well, that would be kind of like telling David Regalado how to make an ass out of himself at a formal dinner. Check that, just dinner. Hmm, more like when other people are around.

About your job: When you’re messing with situations that can potentially turn bad, assess the consequences of going for it. What is the worst that could happen? You lose your job, the guy hates you, your kittens die because you can’t afford to feed them, you sleep with Ben Salzman to boost your confidence- bang social suicide, and in the end, you drop out to work at Tropical Lei. A better life than some.

What I truly think is this: Any time you limit yourself from achieving a realistic goal you are not living life to the fullest. And this guy sounds realistic. Office romances happen all the time, and correct me if I’m wrong, I haven’t read the CGU Research Institute Manual, but I’m pretty sure two consenting adults can do whatever they want. Just be professional, (no boning in the supply closet) and the directors will hopefully be fine with it. This is assuming things work out with said burly man.

If awkwardness is what you’re worried about most, remember life is only as awkward as you make it. Ask him to hang out, if he can’t, whatever. If he does and you make a move that he turns down, fuck it, at least you tried, he can’t knock the hustle. At work, when you act normal, he will too. Get ‘em shorty. Sincerely, A Mitch

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