Dear A Mitch: Changes

Dear A Mitch,

I’m a senior and my athletic career is now over. All my life I’ve been an athlete, and I’m not really sure who I am without something like sports to keep me going. I’ve been sitting on my ass all day wondering what I should do with my extra time. This sucks, I feel like I need to train, but what is the point when I am not going to compete anymore?

Mate,

Trying to find a new identity from the one you’ve know your whole life is tough. As athletes, our entire lives are structured around training, and our sport becomes a driving force of self-discipline that permeates our everyday lives. Without it, losing focus is easier than Pitzer classes.

It’s true you’ll never have the chance to compete in the NCAA again. But isn’t that why these four years are supposed to be the best years of our lives? If you could play in college forever, this time wouldn’t be so special. Try to appreciate what you’ve accomplished and move on. It’s not like you’ll never be able to play again, just not at this level. What might help you is finding positive things that fill the void of intercollegiate athletics. Because you played D3, I know you have some other interests besides your sport. How about other sports? You might suck at tennis, but if you find someone else that sucks too, you can have battles to see who sucks the most. That’s what she said. If you want to try something a little more chill, you could always start a club to occupy your time. How about the Banana Hammock Knitting Club? The Jazzercise Apparel Club? The Charles Johnson #1 Fan Club?

You’ve missed the best thing about your retirement. Think about all the new avenues that are now open to you. Maybe you have never had the chance to go to abroad because sports have taken priority. When cancer took basketball from me, I found my love for writing. There are so many possibilities out there, and you get to decide exactly what you want to do. And that is beautiful.

Sincerely,

A Mitch

Dear A Mitch,

My parents are going through a really ugly divorce and my dad’s moving to a suburb an hour away. My dilemna is, when I go home this summer, I’m going to need to stay with one of them. I love both my mom and my dad equally and having to chose which one to stay with is so hard. They keep asking me and I know if I chose one, the other will be devastated. I’m an only child so I am kind of all they have.

Smile Please,

Your parents have probably always leaned on each other through their hard times and struggles. Now that they are separated, I imagine they are not only hurting, but yearning for someone to help them through this. That’s where you come in. You don’t have to be their 24-hour Monsour Counselor; however, letting them know how important they are to you will help more than you may think. They need to know that although they may no longer love each other, their child’s love for them is always. This might ease them into the mindset of your not being around.

I think you should ask them both to make sure they have a room for you. Your sense of home might be destroyed, yet change can be good. And living with one parent doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck in East Berlin--you can visit the other whenever you like. In the end this is going to make them happier, and knowing that you are concerned about their feelings will only multiply that happiness.

Now we can talk about cool things that come out of divorced parents. 1.) No more joint presents. No, it’s double the fun, like Doublemint Gum. Fresh breath and more presents. Tight. 2.) A strong possibility for more financial aid. Have whoever makes the least money claim you on their taxes and bango, you might just be able to afford that Adult Friend Finder account you’ve been dreaming about. Help yourself and put Beaumont LeDuke Heidrich as your name, which will trick the ladies into thinking you’re super classy until they see your interests of salmon colored sweat suits and The Bay, Bay Area, and things that come out of the Bay Area. 3.) Probably the best part of having divorced parents is when you are at home with one of them you learn way more about their life. You might learn that your mom has an interest in hairy chests, which is why she loves it when Ben Bergsma comes to visit. Maybe you’ll find out your dad has less game than Mudders, and you'll have to coach him through the steps of finding a refined woman, then breaking her up with her lover, Don Pedro. Be careful though, he is loco.

Sincerely,

A Mitch