Champenomics: No Bubbly at Grad

The economic downfall is hitting more than your sister’s latex obsession. No, things are getting personal. Families finding themselves at food banks is one thing- It is quite another to take away one’s champagne. And we’re not talking about any regular champagne here, we are talking about the ceremonious bottle given to seniors upon graduation. Obviously the CMC administration has not seen enough Mastercard commercials. Champagne: $7,000. College graduation ritual: Priceless.

“Liberal arts colleges all across the nation are cutting costs,” says Dean of Faculty, Gegory Hess. “The college is undertaking a comprehensive review of all budgets and adjusting them down. This is consistent with President Gann's communications and the decisions made by almost all colleges and universities.” In response to a struggling endowment, CMC has identified champagne as a frivolous cost to the college. Graduation champagne now joins Collins Dining Hall doughnuts on the list of the enjoyable perks BMW type tuition will no longer get you; an intellectual spa with no cucumbers.

A sacrifice was made, “It was either champagne or the graduation tent,” says Hess. The 3,500-person tent that will be covering Pritzlaff Field Saturday, May 16th, runs CMC about $32,000, more than quadruple the price of champagne. Some argue about the necessity of a tent, wondering what could be nicer than sitting under the bright blue sky. Yet common sense says not to put so many grandparents under the California sun unless there will be saline bags and visors in close vicinity.

In reality, yes it sucks there won’t be free champagne, but it is not like students live more than seconds from Pritzlaff where they can retrieve their own $20 bottle of champagne ($4 for Andreists) after the ceremony. And while CMC does spend money on things that are far more trivial than champagne (i.e. replacing the perfectly good looking flowers throughout campus every month), cutting a beverage out of the graduation mix is applesauce compared to something like this. How hammered does one need to be in front of their family anyway? Just joshing, I know, quite hammered. Pre-game at Gui’s apartment.